But I do remember exactly how I was feeling on the left on the last day of an internship in Spain at a wellness retreat & I can almost cry with gratitude at the degree to which the body & mind can heal. As much as I was genuinely happy in the moment (and loved the people I worked with), I felt so uncomfortable in my skin to the point of feeling crazy, it was far from smiles on the inside. The photo is so representative of my personality - always trying to shine through any rain, but I was just on the edge of complete physical, physiological and psychological breakdown, and had pushed through 3 months of ignoring all of my body’s signals, pretending nothing was wrong when I was getting very red flags, biking through the Andalusian mountains to work each day and so longing to feel good doing what I love - inspiring health and happiness. The paradox being I was dysfunctional inside on so many levels, soon to discover upon lab tests getting back home that I had relapsed into autoimmune Grave’s disease all over again. (Notice how I store most of my weight and fat in the midsection and upper body... hello cortisol and insulin resistance and hormone imbalance! Everyone is shocked when I say that there is a good 15kg difference between these photos, and I feel like it was not only fat but so much inflammation and water retention.) I feel like I’ve learned many lessons the hard way when it comes to health, fitness and mindset - and sometimes the same lesson more than once.
This point wasn’t even the worse I’ve been health-wise, and it’s been a long road to recovery and still goes on, but if anything this is to uplift anyone in anyway on their path to keep believing in possibility and taking small actions each day for a better future. This too shall pass, accept reality as it is without judgement or fighting it, let go of resistance and let life unfold, and healing take place. Obviously easier said than done, but I truly believe life happens for us not to us and if there’s anything every single person I would want to experience is health freedom (health in all of its holistic, multi-dimensional layers, not merely the absence of disease). I’ve already felt like I was 80 when I was 20, so it’s only reverse ageing from here! Bring on 2018!